I can't be him
by AmiliaPadfoot
Summary: A few months after the battle and it's fallen upon Harry to take care of Teddy. A one-shot glimpse at how he's coping.


_**I Can't Be Him**_

_**By: Amilia Padfoot**_

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this Fic, only the idea for the story._

_Summary: A few months after the battle and it's fallen upon Harry to take care of Teddy. A one-shot glimpse at how he's coping. _

_A/N: Yep, another one shot- I'm full of them! This is assuming that Andromeda was unable to take care of Teddy after the war was finally over. Thanks to DramionePerfected, as always. :-) Anyway, enjoy! _

* * *

><p><em>"Come on Teddy, open wide, here comes the Firebolt..." <em>Harry cooed at his giggling godson in his high chair. Teddy stared in awe of the plastic spoon that was flying round his head; he clapped his hands and gurgled enthusiastically, never taking his eyes of the airborne utensil. His giggling was cut off as the spoon popped itself into his mouth. He looked up at Harry with wide eyes and Harry couldn't help but feel a stab of pain as the kid changed his eyes to emerald green. Harry forced a smile and Teddy grinned back, making the spoon fall out of his mouth and on to the floor with a soft clatter. Harry bent down to pick up the spoon, secretly glad for the excuse to break eye contact with the child, just as Ron walked into the kitchen.

"Hey mate" he greeted while stifling a yawn.

"Hey" Harry replied automatically, completely unfazed by his friend's sudden and unannounced presence in his house.

"Jackson reckons he's got a lead on that Death eater that keeps slipping past us-" Ron reported while going over to the bread bin, opening a pack of biscuits and popping one into his mouth. "-and as for that raid last week he says that we did a - what?" Ron asked, stopping mid-eating, suddenly aware of how his friend was staring at him reproachfully, hand on his hip.

"Ron, we've discussed this" Harry told him sternly, sounding, and looking, more like a parent scolding a child than an eighteen year old kid. Ron stared at him blankly before looking down at the biscuit in his hand he was about to eat and up to the kid in the highchair.

"Um, do you mean the 'don't-keep-coming-over-and-eating-all-the-food' discussion or the 'don't-talk-about-Auror-stuff-in-front-of-Teddy' discussion?"

"Both" Harry told him, snatching the biscuit out of his hand and turning back to Teddy.

"Sheesh, someone's grumpy today" Ron muttered to himself while putting the biscuits back into the bread bin, deciding not to risk taking another one.

"I heard that"

"I heard that" Ron mimicked childishly before crying out in pain as the breadbin closed with a snap on his fingers. Harry smirked at him,

"Serves you right" Ron just glared at him as he opened the lid again and pulled his fingers out.

"Bloody thing" he muttered darkly.

"Ron!" Harry abolished.

"What?" Ron asked, bewildered. Harry had never cared about his cussing before. Usually it was Hermione who reprimanded him.

"Don't s-w-e-a-r in front of the k-i-d" Harry answered through gritted teeth while jerking his head slightly at Teddy, who was trying to touch his nose with his tongue, completely oblivious.

"Oh well I'm s-o-r-r-y, but your evil b-r-e-a-d-b-i-n tried to take my f-i-n-g-e-r-s off!" Ron retorted sarcastically.

"Well maybe you should be more c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l!"

"You know there's only one 'l' in careful, right?" Ron asked, his tone a little softer. He really didn't want to argue with his mate but he had to admit he felt a bit better for blowing off some steam. They had both been under a lot of stress, trying to slowly piece their lives back together now the war was finally over. The occasional bickering between to two didn't seem to work as well for Harry though.

"I'm tired ok! I've been on double shifts for the last fortnight now, I have a kid to look after, a wedding to plan and a school to help rebuild! Forgive me if my linguistic skills are not up to your standards!" he snapped.

"I'm tired too you know" Ron mumbled, sounding slightly hurt.

"Yeah, I know" Harry told him sighing, looking ashamed for his outburst. He rubbed his eyes under his glasses tiredly.

"I suppose it doesn't help that you've always been a rotten speller" Ron teased, hoping to lighten the mood. He knew Harry had a lot on his plate lately but he was usually much calmer about things, he always just took everything in his stride. Ron wondered whether the pressure was finally getting to his friend or if something had happened to trigger his mood. Harry had the tendency to bottle up all his emotions, suppressing them to concentrate on the matter at hand and then exploding at the smallest of things later. He sincerely hoped it wasn't one of those times, remembering the summer before their fifth year.

"Yeah, right back at ya, Roonil Wazlib" Harry joked, remembering Ron's Potions book in sixth year. Ron fought a sigh of relief that Harry wasn't going to start shouting and protested instead,

"Hey, that was my quill's fault!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, A bad workman always blames his tools" Harry quipped while going over to the sink to wash the spoon.

"You're starting to sound like Hermione mate" he grumbled.

"What do you mean?" Harry turned back to him, now drying the spoon with a towel.

"Well first you're telling me off for swearing-" Ron began but Harry cut him off,

"Well, I really don't you swearing round him, Ron, or talking about dark wizards and fighting. He's at a very impressionable age and I don't want him being influenced...what? Why are you smiling at me like that?"

"Nothing, it's just-"Ron fought to keep the smile of his face but he couldn't help it.

"Just what?" Harry prompted impatiently, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Well, it's just you sound so _grown up_. I mean… well, you've away sounded grown up. You've always been more mature than most your age but now you just- you sound like a _parent_" At the word 'parent' Harry turned away and griped the edge of the sink so tightly his knuckles were turning white. He closed his eyes trying to fight of the headache he was beginning to get. So many emotions, most he couldn't pin down, were rising up in him. "You know, telling me not to swear in front of him and..." but Harry wasn't listening. He couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm _not_ his parent thought am I?" he spun round furiously, tears stinging in his eyes. "I'm his Godfather! I can never be his parent!" he yelled. "I'm just his godfather Ron. That's all I'll ever be to him!"

"I-" Ron stared at his friend, caught off-guard by the sudden and extreme change in his friend's mood. "You're more to him than that Harry. You're raising him aren't you? Look at everything you've done for him. You practically his parent-" Harry's eyes flashed dangerously and Ron knew immediately he had said the wrong thing.

"I'm..._not..._his...parent!" he yelled, breathing heavily, "I can't be! I just _can't_ Ron. I can't be that for him! I will _never_ be able to be that for him! Even if I _wanted_ to! I just can't! I can't do this Ron. I can't even look the kid in the eye!" he yelled, waving a hand in Teddy's direction, tears beginning to track down his face. Everything he had been feeling, that had been bothering him for so long now, eating away at him, was all spilling out of him, "You don't understand Ron! Every time I hold him I feel so- so _Happy_! I feel content, like- like everything's just _right_ in the world. You know? And I look down at him, at those _eyes_, those beautiful eyes, and they're always green Ron! _Green_! And I can _see_ me in him! And I love him! But he's not _mine_! But I don't _care_ 'cause I _love_ him! But it's not right 'cause it shouldn't be me. _It shouldn't be me_! I don't want him to look up at me and change his eyes to green, his hair to black, 'cause it shouldn't be that way! He should have brown eyes and pink hair and- and- I don't want him to see me and think it's him, cause I'm _not_ him, I'm- I'm...I'm not his _father_!" he was sobbing now, the tears unstoppable, his breathing coming in short sharp gasps. "I'm no- I'm not-" He stuttered, and Ron did the only thing he could think of. He wrapped his arms around his friend and held him close as he cried shamelessly into his shoulder. "He should be here Ron. He should be the one feeding him. His _father_, not me. I can't be his parent and that's what he needs. I can't provide that and I don't know if I can watch him grow up without one, expecting me to fill that empty space. But it can't be filled. _I know..._it...can't...be. And I'm scared Ron. I'm scared to try. I don't want to replace his father, but I don't want to let him down either. I don't want him to grow up like I did but I ca-"

"Mate stop." Ron cut him off, un-able to stand seeing his friend like this any longer, "You can't tear yourself up like this. Of course you won't replace him. No-one's _expecting_ you to. No-one said it was going to be easy either, but you're not alone Harry, you'll never be alone and neither will Teddy. Did you really think we were just going to let you raise him all by yourself? You have me!" Ron paused awkwardly. "Okay, so guess that's not exactly a comfort child-care wise-" Harry couldn't help laugh a little at that "-but there's Ginny and Hermione and Mum. You'll be lucky to get the kid back at all if you let mum baby-sit him. We're all going to help you, but yea the kids going to look up to you the most, and that's scary. But I for one aren't worried at all 'cause your and amazing at this sort of thing. You're so protective of him and if you look at him like you looked at me- well let's just say you got the whole _'stern look' _down pat. The kid _adores_ you. Just love him Harry. That's all anyone can ask from you. You won't let him down, mate and he won't grow up like you. There's no Voldemort anymore and you're nothing like the Dursley's. Just- just love him" He ended simply.

Harry pulled away from Ron and wiped the tears of his face furiously, blushing slightly.

"Thanks Ron" he mumbled and walked over to Teddy who looked miserable and clearly frightened by all the shouting, and picked him up. Ron thought it was miraculous that the kid hadn't started wailing. It was almost as if the kid knew Harry had needed the chance to explode a little and had stayed quite. '_Yes'_, he thought, as Harry cradled the boy in his arms, 'shhing' him and lulling him into a sleep, '_they're going to be just fine together'_. _**They love each other, after all. **_

* * *

><p><strong>AN Aw. Yea anyway, please review. I'd love to know what you think. I know this was short but I really just wanted to show his raw emotion. Hope I did that. Thanks for reading! Anonymous reviews more than welcome. –Ami x**


End file.
